Holiday Invites and Our Companion Animals
Tis the season for RSVP. We will be declining all the evening parties. We do every year. Not because we don't want to spend time out with friends. Not because we are anti-social. Because it's bedtime for the parrots.
I should send out Halloween Greeting Cards explaining the situation for the upcoming Holiday season. Or maybe just a group email explaining the situation.
Group Text? Room Stream?
Dear (insert party giver name here),
You know we love you guys. It's not you, it's us. Actually, it's them. It's the fact that when you start a party at 6, I have to put birds in cages at 4:30 to get ready and then to get to you. By the time I get to you, they are expecting dinner with me. But then I'm not there, and they are confused, and most likely screaming at decibels reached only by fighter jets in attack formation.
It's not you, party giver, it's them. By 7:30 pm, I know Snickers and Butters will be upset. By then they should sit with us receiving complimentary worshiping and adoration. And head rubs. And ice water to play in with their silly beaks. You know I'll be thinking about them and having a hard time enjoying your party drinks, and your hilarious story about the trip you took last month. I'll be completely distracted thinking about Kirby alone in his cage. He hates toys, thinks they are useless and his cage, insulting. By 8 o'clock Kirby would be roosted on the chandelier in the dining room waiting to go upstairs with Snickers and Butters. But he won't be because I'll be with you.
I won't be able to enjoy your foods. I'll be wondering if the flock thought we abandoned them by 8:30. We are supposed to be upstairs now, on the bed saying good night with cuddles and foot tickles. But no, they are all in their day cages, in the dark, and alone wondering if we are as lost as we look most of the time.
This whole evening party idea is great! It's fabulous. Thanks! But it's not you, it's them. By 8:45 I'll be completely chomping at the bit to get home. We will start giving each other the spousal "ready to go?" looks and using the agreed exit strategy excuses so as to slip out the front without too much offense. We'll get home by 10:00 if that exit doesn't take too long, 10:30 if it does.
Getting home will be screaming flock calls, over stimulated, panic delivered bird hugs. Looks of relief from them, looks between my husband and I of I'd rather not leave them again.
It's not you party giver, it's them. Actually, it's us. We are a flock. I'll do parties during the day, specifically mid-day, when they are all happy to go in their cages, eat, play and nap. Well, Kirby will eat and nap at least. But this nighttime stuff is not for the birds.
You have cats, so I know you won't understand, but we are friends, so I know you'll tolerate it. Besides, I've lived in New Orleans and traveled to Cancun. If I've learned one thing over these experiences, I'd rather wake up with happy parrots, than a hangover.
And don't even get me started on the dogs. They need walks.
Best Regards, Happy Early Holidays, Let's do lunch. But not too late.